so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
