I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Small penises have feelings too.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
