My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
