At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
