Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
we're so committed to being not committed
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
