Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
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