Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
