dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
