I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
