im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
