I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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