I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
