Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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