I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
ugly people sure do ruin things
no. you can't hotbox the world.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
