Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
We need a shit load of segways right now
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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