loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I will be naked everywhere
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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