dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
