I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize
