So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
