I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
