im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
