Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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