i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
