and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
