I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
