You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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