Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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