sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
