my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
The feeling are messing with the penis
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
