can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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