I'm drive I can fine osifer
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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