Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
