you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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