Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
