Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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