The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
