win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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