I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
