I can tuck mytits in my pants
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
