Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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