There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
