hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
