i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
