How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
