I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Drunk is a universal language darling
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
