I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
