Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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