It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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