Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Randomize
