i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
