youre lurking in front of me
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
