I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
