doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
