My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
